Between Sheep and Clouds

For a few years now, it seems, I slip into this odd state of mind. Sometimes it lasts only for a few minutes but it can last hours. It doesn’t depress me, it doesn’t worry me, it’s just odd. Everything is strange and alien to me. I feel as though I were a different being on the outside looking in. I still feel like myself, I am aware of everything, but I feel disconnected from the world in every way possible. It feels like I’m dreaming while I’m awake and my mind slips into deeper thoughts and trying to figure out just what it is that makes life…well, life. What and why?

At first I thought that I was the only one this happened to. Then I thought that I couldn’t be the only one, and like most things, it’s probably pretty common and it happens to almost everyone. Turns out it doesn’t happen to everyone but it does have a name; derealization.

It’s very common for me to slip into one of these “episodes” very late at night. It’s most common when I’m driving home alone late and the streets are mostly empty or when I’m awake and it’s late. Once it starts it’s hard for me to grasp a basic understanding of something and instead my head tries to figure out a deeper meaning for something and how it’s relatable.

One frequent situation is when I look at the night sky and everything else seems to black out. All I can see is the night sky, the stars, and the moon. I start to feel a sense of familiarity, like I should know something that I can’t remember. I feel as though I should know something but can’t seem to remember what it is; something important. I start to think how odd the sky would look somewhere else in the galaxy and what their night sky might look like. Who else is looking at the sky from another point in the galaxy and wondering the same thing? Are we looking at each other unknowingly? Is there some sort of quantum entanglement between this other being and myself and do they feel as I feel? Is that why I sometimes feel off, sad, happy, or angry and haven’t a clue as to why? And if it is quantum entanglement, if one of us dies, does the other go as well? Is that the reason for sudden deaths with no explanation? The logical answer would be no, but I’m not really in a logical state of mind.

This could go on for hours but it’s just an example so I’ll just use that little bit of the internal conversation/debate. Seeing people is also a mind fuck and very surreal. It’s hard for me to understand “humanity” in this state but I do find it interesting to debate with myself. It also seems too strange to think that things are alive, have their own thoughts, feelings, emotions, and that I haven’t a clue what goes on. Seeing them in the car riding in the next lane…it’s too weird.

Like I mentioned, being in this state doesn’t depress me and it doesn’t worry me. I actually enjoy it though I should be careful because there is the slight chance that I could go too deep into this state and not snap back. If it were to happen, god forbid, I guess I’ll just set the table for one.

My head is always more interesting after midnight

acid-jock:

Mega Sharpedo looks amazing

acid-jock:

Mega Sharpedo looks amazing

(via itsthedeliveryman)

Keep the Earth

But the universe is mine

Pokémon trading is awesome! Mother fucking French Mewtwo with pokérus, Japanese Charizard, Korean Charizard, multiple generation starters, YEAH!!!

Pokémon trading is awesome! Mother fucking French Mewtwo with pokérus, Japanese Charizard, Korean Charizard, multiple generation starters, YEAH!!!

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Oooohhhhhhh!!! And with a GREATBALL, bitch!!! DAAAAAAAAAAMN!!!

Oooohhhhhhh!!! And with a GREATBALL, bitch!!! DAAAAAAAAAAMN!!!

Yeah, so I’ve been in a doodling mood lately.

Yeah, so I’ve been in a doodling mood lately.

The first doodle of the “java_fox” in about 8 years.

The first doodle of the “java_fox” in about 8 years.

San Diego Seasons:

January-March: Not-So-Hot Summer

April-August: Summer

September-December: Not-So-Hot Summer

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